


Life after Loss

by Halvwyn



Series: Life of the Party Ficlets and Fics [9]
Category: Life of the Party D&D (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heavy Angst, M/M, healing process, moving on from loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23412673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halvwyn/pseuds/Halvwyn
Summary: If he had had a say, if it had been an option, he thinks Cassian would have wanted to be laid to rest in the ocean. The thought of the surf drawing him into itself, like a mother enveloping her child in her warm embrace, felt right to him somehow. But there was no ocean. They were no more than two miles from Shadebourne, no tide to lead the ocean’s child to his final rest, no returning of his power to its origin.
Relationships: Cassian/Renard (Life of the Party), Renard & Sariel (Life of the Party)
Series: Life of the Party Ficlets and Fics [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681585
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Life after Loss

**Author's Note:**

> A brief follow up to Time.  
> Written with the intention of being a sequel, but can be read as a stand alone.  
> I'm gonna be writing _so_ much fluff after this.

It felt wrong to Vanden, burying Cassian in the soft earth of the all-encompassing forest, carefully packing down the soil to ensure his.....body was safe and secure. Sariel had murmured something about the circle of life, his death one day bringing about new life, one hand tentatively brushing against his own. It wasn’t a comfort.

“He hates...hated dirt,” Vanden said after kneeling next to the grave for who knows how long, the first words he’d uttered since the party had found him desperately clinging to Cassian’s body, as if holding him tight enough would warm his rapidly cooling skin, or kissing him firmly enough would breathe life back into his lungs. 

If he had had a say, if it had been an option, he thinks Cassian would have wanted to be laid to rest in the ocean. The thought of the surf drawing him into itself, like a mother enveloping her child in her warm embrace, felt right to him somehow. But there was no ocean. They were no more than two miles from Shadebourne, no tide to lead the ocean’s child to his final rest, no returning of his power to its origin. 

No one tried to argue, not when Vanden still had his hands buried in the freshly packed dirt, not when he was still covered in the wizard’s blood, when his eyes were still so distant, face so fragile. Instead, the group of four step away, heading back towards the road, leaving Vanden alone.

It was Sariel, in the end, who came for him. Vanden wasn't sure when twilight had begun, dappling the sky in purples and blues as the sun set. Her touch was gentle as her hand came to rest on his shoulder, tugging him back towards her, “We need to go, now, Vanden. We need to get back to the city.”

He shook his head mutely, eyes still fixed on his....his what, in the end? Friend? Would-be lover?...on Cassian’s final resting pace. The only movement he made was to slowly slide his hand to rest on Undertow, one of the few belongings the party had taken. The sword Vanden had helped him purchase, the sword they had sparred with, the blade that gave him the confidence to face down two men alone rather than misty stepping away. He hated it, almost as much as did himself. He’d heard Cassian cry out, hadn’t he? Had let himself return to exchanging blows with his own targets rather than running to the wizard’s aid. If he held the blade Cassian wielded responsible for his death, he had to hold himself just as, if not more, accountable.

“I’m not asking, Vanden.” Sariel’s voice was firm, despite the quiet volume at which she spoke, “Cassian,” her voice warbled as she said his name, “would have wanted us, wanted  _ you  _ to get home safely. To let us finally address your own injuries, Vanden. So  _ please..... _ for Cassian. Let’s go.”

Taking a steadying breath, Vanden lifted his gaze to meet Sariel’s, her eyes glistening with tears she refused to shed. Reaching the hand not on Undertow up to cover hers, Vanden spared one last lingering gaze over where Cassian lay before carefully picking up his spellbook and blade and standing. “Okay, let’s go.”

* * *

Slowly, life moved on. The party grew closer, long nights spent sitting up with warm drinks after nightmares becoming fewer and farther between as days turned to weeks and months. They learned to laugh again; learned how to speak of the man they had traveled with not without pain entirely, but accompanied by a comforting nostalgia and fondness.

And when the months turned into a year, Vanden found himself walking the barely-there path through the forest, coming to stop only as he reached the place he left behind a year earlier. Where once there had been nothing but tilled earth was soft with grass, delicate flowers knitting their way across the expanse.

Vanden smiled softly, sitting down besides the grave.

“Hello, love. It’s been a while.”


End file.
